No Courage Without Fear

"You did not create me to worry

You did not create me to fear

But You created me to worship daily,

So, I'll leave it all right here."

Lately I see many messages emphasizing the importance of trusting God's plan and staying my course.

But honestly, these days I find myself overwhelmed by choices and chance. Of course, always grateful to have the choices which are given to me, and I do love that things are still changing for me. To me, it's a faithful reminder that God still finds pleasure in working on and for me.

The vastness of my choices sometimes attempts to plague me with fear and rob my anticipation for the more-to-come. I dig for my own hope, reminding myself that my life is good because God already told me so. My journey is mine and uniquely so, which means it was e(specially) designed for me.

So, when fear tries to overtake my thoughts when contemplating a direction, it takes the diligent practice of giving myself grace when fearing outcomes because I know full well that God is in control and He hasn't steered me wrong yet. Revisiting texts that he gave me and promises He revealed to me are usually saving graces because "His word is the lamp to guide my feet and the light to my path."-Psalm 119

Knowing these things, I can be courageous in my decision making despite what others (or myself) might think, feel or worry about my path. God is always with and inside me!

"This is my command- be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9

Here's the reality; There would be no reason to be courageous if fear didn't exist. Right? There is no courage without fear. But the beauty is in the fact that we don't have to rest or settle in fear. The antidote for fear is love (God), His Word says so.

"16 God is love, and all who live in love, live in God, and God lives in him. 18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love." 1 John 4:18

We all experience it some way or another we just have to be open to challenging our fears and diving into the love and perfect purpose we are already walking in. It takes courage to operate past the version of ourselves that we think we are. But It's possible! it's doable, its already done.

"You are not who you think you are, and you are not afraid. The person you think you are, is. "-Londrell

“Eden”

Meant To Be

One of my favorite things about God is that He does exactly what He says He wills. God's delivery is always unpredictable, and I love that so much. Despite sometimes not clearly hearing nor understanding what God has already spoken concerning me, my identity(s) and my paths, He always strategically guides me to those special places in ways that are wiser (and sometimes funnier) than I could ever plan for myself. This whole concept makes me feel such a security about my life which makes me believe that everything about me is simply meant to be.

Really, to know and have fully accepted that there is a Creator who created the universe (and beyond), ecosystems, humans, etc. who was mindful of little me AND the life He wanted for me (1 of the innumerable number of humans that have and will live a life on Earth) is profoundly awe-inspiring.

Last November was the last you saw of my blog posts, and admittedly, I've been preoccupied with living many of my desires aloud. Some have taken up lots of my time and some days I even feel mentally overdrawn. Still, I've gladly been journeying through my endeavors and truthfully, I've been enjoying my busyness.

Whenever I take time to be present with my feelings (or numbness thereof), I most often find myself resting in joyful gratitude that God has remembered me and has not abandoned His vision for me and the roles He intends for me to walk in.

If you've read one of my previous posts, you'll know that I am a Graduate student learning PreK-5th grade curriculum/instruction. It's been a laborious journey full of deep lows, resistance, monotonous persistence and immeasurable highs in finally deciding to pursue my teaching path.

I started my journey pursuing a general psychology degree at a university in Indiana. And although human psychology is endlessly intriguing to learn, I realized during the middle of my freshman year that there weren't many paths that I could travel to land a satisfying career by only having a degree with a concentration in general psychology. Through mentorship and guidance, I came to understand that I wanted and needed to find a specific niche.

I was an avid communicator with my peers and professors about my journey and life in general, which was monumental for me who as a first generation university student and oldest/ only girl child in my household.

I didn't know it then, but I had begun a tedious spiritual and emotional journey to discovering my true passion for working with children. I had several encounters with other students who were pursuing their degree in social work. They were beaming in love and excitement as they told me their stories about the children and programs they were working with. They'd say things like, "If you're really considering switching your major, I recommend social work. I think you'd love it, there are so many paths within social work to choose from."

Their excitement was infectious and the idea of working with children and positively impacting their lives haunted me.

I was further persuaded to pursue my social work degree, by my then sociology professor's simple invitation to join a program at an agency nearby the university in which I'd have the chance to mentor a few economically disadvantaged children who were in the program to gain mentorship and access to resources.

I decided to transfer to CSU instead of taking advantage of that opportunity though, but I did enter into the social work degree program offered there. Honestly, throughout my social work journey, I explored work with many populations of people, but I struggled with this daunting fear of working with children, despite my previous inspiration to do EXACTLY THAT during freshman year.

Toward the end of my studies in pursuit of my BSW, while some of my classmates and I were gathered near his desk conversing about field practice experiences and working with children, my professors matter-of-factly asked me, "So, you don't want to work with children?" I replied "No." in crisp assurance. He only paused and said, "humph" as if to imply that he understood something that I had not yet accepted.

I practiced many years as a generalist in social work, having worked with the homeless, hungry, developmentally and intellectually disabled adults, and foster care teens populations. I'd say I worked around the population I should have been working with. I'd even told someone that I didn't want to work with children because I was afraid that I'd would be too good at it because I'm silly like that. 🙃

Looking back, I feel ashamed that I did that to myself and all of the children that I could have been working with. I eventually ended up being introduced to an opportunity to work at a YMCA during the start of the COVID-19 pandemic and everything just felt natural and effortless. It was the first employment experience that I thoroughly enjoyed no matter what workplace issues arose, and it was both refreshing and enriching. This led me to finally surrendering to the call and actively seeking education on how I can walk in it to the best of my ability. I still have fears about working with children that I am overcoming daily, and I know that is all due to the intentionality of God.

As I grow on this journey, I am learning more about the education field and its embedded strengths and weaknesses. I hope to homeschool my future children and to eventually open a program of my own, utilizing all the information that I am learning from my studies and work experiences because I truly believe that all of this is who I am meant to be.

🤎🕯️